Jubilee Joelle.
There’s a story behind all of our children’s names. This story is especially sacred to me and I haven’t shared it with many yet because it is so near and dear to my heart.
Brandon and I have always liked the name Joelle. It was a “cute” name. We planned to use it several times but it just never seemed right. It was on the short list for this baby as well when we found out she would be a girl. Before I knew what it would mean to me, I was considering it, but I did not know the name would usher me into the very throne room of God.
When my blood-work came back showing that our baby’s chances of having Trisomy 18 had gone from a 1/3000 chance to a 1/100 chance, I was scared. (For those of you who don’t know, Trisomy 18 is a chromosomal disorder that has very high chance of infant mortality. Something like 50% of babies don’t survive much past birth and of those that do, 90% usually do not make their first birthday.) I cried. The first day or two were awful for me, but God had been preparing me for this day long before I faced it.
Ringing in my heart were promises. For several days prior to the news coming in that my blood-work had come back “wrong”, I had seen these words from a well known hymn printed in several different places.
“When all around my soul gives way,
He (Jesus) then is all my hope and stay.”
In my pain and grief, I clung to those words. I had written what I believed to be “the perfect response to pain” earlier (as a response to the loss of our other two babies) and it echoed in my heart, taken from the book of Job:
“The Lord gives and the Lord takes away;
Blessed be the name of the Lord”
and
“I know that my redeemer lives
and that in the end he will stand on the earth.”
(Job 1:21 and Job 19:25)
I clung to the promise that the Lord was GOD and that he was sovereign and that he would rule the earth and redeem his broken and fallen creation. It might not be like *I* want it to be, but what am I? I am a “piece of earth, breathing holy breath”. (Twila Paris--What am I without you) I was comforted in the fact that my Creator knew the outcome of my baby’s situation long before I ever existed; He held her in his hands and formed her and knew every detail of her life, numbered her days….long before this moment. God was not caught of guard or surprised by the valley I now faced. God was right where he had always been. I knew I would carry her and cherish her and mother her for as long as God gave me to do that and then, as Moses’ mother laid him in the basket and trusted his being into the hands of her God, I would give her back too if that was required of me.
I looked up the meaning of the name Joelle during this time. While I was answering the pain in my soul with these promises. The first place I turned listed the meaning of Joelle as this, “The Lord is God.” It LEAPT off the page at me. I could hardly breathe. It was exactly what I had been saying! “The Lord is God.” "Remember, Becky! Remember! He isn’t this being, equal with Satan, fighting for dominion. He’s GOD! He already won! He’s on his throne! Nothing happens that He did not first know about. He’s GOD!”
I always look up a name in a few places just to see what other meanings it might have. The other place I looked said, “The Lord is Willing.” At the time, it was whispered in my heart that the Lord was willing to be my “hope and stay”. The Lord was willing to be my support and my comfort. He was willing to fill me with an indescribable peace that passed even my own understanding. He was willing to fix my broken heart if he chose that road for me to walk and he was more than willing to walk alongside me down that road. He was WILLING.
I began praying for the ultrasound that would help determine if she had Trisomy 18. I prayed not for a healthy baby, although I longed with my whole being for that to be the case. I asked God only for a definitive ultrasound. I knew that occasionally the ultrasound could come back with a lot of questions and they would have to do more tests to get the result. I asked only for a “yes” or a “no.” On the day of the ultrasound, it was there, pounding in my heart. “Joelle...the Lord is willing.” I did not know at that time that it would mean so much more. We went to the ultrasound and had the most perfect ultrasound we could hope for. They were able to measure and see everything they needed to see and there wasn’t a doubt in anyone’s mind at all that the baby was Trisomy-free. As I was driving home, it was there, in my heart. “The Lord is willing to answer your prayers for a definitive answer. The Lord is willing to give you a healthy baby.”
Moses’ mother laid him in the basket, heart probably breaking into pieces. She did what would be hard for any mother to do. She gave her baby back to God. She probably closed the basket over his little face and left him to the river thinking she would never see him again. She trusted him to the river with nothing but more Egyptians, wild animals, and a wide ocean to await his journey. Yet she is listed along with her husband in Hebrews 11 as people of great faith. Can you imagine how she must have felt when Miriam burst into the door, bringing with her the child she had given up and the promise of a few more years with him? I felt as though I had given my baby to God and had said, “God, she’s yours. I don’t know how long you will let me cherish her, but I will delight in every minute you give me.” and God had then given her back to me.
I began praying for the ultrasound that would help determine if she had Trisomy 18. I prayed not for a healthy baby, although I longed with my whole being for that to be the case. I asked God only for a definitive ultrasound. I knew that occasionally the ultrasound could come back with a lot of questions and they would have to do more tests to get the result. I asked only for a “yes” or a “no.” On the day of the ultrasound, it was there, pounding in my heart. “Joelle...the Lord is willing.” I did not know at that time that it would mean so much more. We went to the ultrasound and had the most perfect ultrasound we could hope for. They were able to measure and see everything they needed to see and there wasn’t a doubt in anyone’s mind at all that the baby was Trisomy-free. As I was driving home, it was there, in my heart. “The Lord is willing to answer your prayers for a definitive answer. The Lord is willing to give you a healthy baby.”
Moses’ mother laid him in the basket, heart probably breaking into pieces. She did what would be hard for any mother to do. She gave her baby back to God. She probably closed the basket over his little face and left him to the river thinking she would never see him again. She trusted him to the river with nothing but more Egyptians, wild animals, and a wide ocean to await his journey. Yet she is listed along with her husband in Hebrews 11 as people of great faith. Can you imagine how she must have felt when Miriam burst into the door, bringing with her the child she had given up and the promise of a few more years with him? I felt as though I had given my baby to God and had said, “God, she’s yours. I don’t know how long you will let me cherish her, but I will delight in every minute you give me.” and God had then given her back to me.
Jubilee means “rejoicing or celebration.” We are rejoicing that God gave us this little child. We prayed for her. We longed for her and we cried for her. When I found out I was pregnant, this verse in 1 Samuel 1:27 was in my heart. (It's how I told Brandon we were pregnant again.)
“I prayed for this child
and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him.”
We are rejoicing that our baby was healthy and that we would not have to walk through a valley of pain and shadows. But more than that, we were rejoicing because of the one thing that means more than anything else. JESUS is all our hope and stay. Jesus is our reason for rejoicing. Jesus is our reason for being. Jesus is our celebration!
Her name will be Jubilee Joelle.
We are rejoicing
because
the Lord is God
and
the Lord is willing to be everything we need.
If you want a short form so she can be like Abby and Emma, you can call her Joy.
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