Sometimes I get really worried about Brandon being deployed. I start thinking, "The people over there don't know Brandon like I do. They don't know how to take care of him and how to keep him safe." It's funny really...it's like I think that I'm the one taking care of Brandon. I get all worked up about how "unsafe" he'll be and how "dangerous" it is. Pretty soon, a little voice works in my heart and says, "The same One who numbers the hairs on his head, sustains each heartbeat, and takes care of him over here will be taking care of him the same way over there and He knows Brandon way, way better than I ever could." It shames me to think that sometimes, I think I am the one taking care of him. As if, somehow, over there in the war zone is less safe than here with me because I'm the one sustaining his life... I get so worried and yet, it's not like I think that God has his hands full with the warzones and that God will just have to let some things slide to protect other things. I honestly believe with all my heart that God knows the number of every hair on every head, sustains the beating of each and every heart, and orders the days of each and every life on this earth...down to the ants we so thoughtlessly spray as they parade across our home. I know that God knew every one of their days and knew we would spray them exactly when we did. I believe with all my heart that we live in the best possible world so that not one day could be added or subtracted to any life on earth to make the world a better place than it is. It's not like if Hitler had died when he was ten that the world would be a better place because God has ordered the world to the best possible outcome now and there are no "if onlys". I believe that God has the power to stop horrible events like September 11 from happening but he doesn't, not because he is unable or didn't know it was coming, but because he saw it coming and said, "This is the perfect plan for the world that I have created. I will not change a thing." That doesn't mean that the world is perfect...it couldn't be because God hasn't redeemed it yet, but it does mean that God has it ordered to perfection and nothing could be changed to make it better. Believing this, means that I have to believe that God has ordered our lives as well. I have to believe that it was God's will that we meet when we did, get married, have kids, join the air force...and that every part of our lives down to the number of days each of us will live is known by God and more than that, ORDERED by God so that not one of us dies "before his time" or anything like that. It's scarey. I get frightened that maybe God won't have many days in store for Brandon. I get sooooo afraid when I think of it but I have to realize that there could be no other way...this is the perfect way. That if God had chosen for us not to enter the Air Force, he could still number our days just as long or short as he wanted...that Brandon is not any less safe or protected over there than he is over here. And...that somehow, this is God's will that Brandon be over there when the baby is born even though I really want him over here with me. It comes down to me having to learn to trust God and believe that His way is best. Period. Besides, if it was up to me to protect Brandon, I would have failed miserably long ago.
12 comments:
When is Brandon being deployed and is it to Iraq? We will be praying for his safety! Love, Aunt Janet
He's leaving in January sometime and I haven't got the faintest clue how to spell the place he's going to...but it's not Iraq.
I love seeing pictures of ya'll. Are these updated? How old is Abby in the one where she's in Brandon's shirt? She looks so big :( and grown up! I bet you can't wait to find out what #2 is going to be. Let me know when you find out ok? Anyways, Love ya! Rachel
The one with her in my shirt is pretty new; about a month or two old, I think. And, yes, she is getting big :( Pretty soon she'll be driving, going to college, and digging her latest boyfriends out of shallow graves in the backyard... did I say that out loud?
We finally are online. Kept hearing about these blogs and what cute pictures we were missing. Our email is spuls1@tds.net if anyone wants to contact us direct.
Regarding Brandon getting deployed, remember he is safer IN the Lord's will than OUT of fellowship with Him. He would rather be obedient and in the worst inferno this world has to offer than THINKING he was safe in bed but in a state of spiritual disobedience.
Welcome to the blagosphere Steve and Lynn :)
I would advise against posting your e-mail address on blogs/websites; hackers/spammers write programs designed to search the internet for e-mail address in order to add them to bulk e-mail lists (spam). In the future I suggest you only give out your e-mail in person or by phone. If you like, I can delete your previous post to protect your e-mail address - just let me know :)
I'm Brandon, by the way :)
By the way, you can save any of the pictures on this blog to your computer and then to a CD if you want. It's really easy. First click on the picture to bring up the bigger size (otherwise it will just save it exactly the size you see it in on the blog) then right click on the picture and click whichever option you want...save, print, set as background... Just thought you might like to know in case you see a picture we haven't mailed on a CD that you really like.
Thanks Becky for mailing the picture CD's - It was fun to revisit CO - You and your family are in our hearts and prayers always - We've thought about a Christmas-New Year's visit your way, so if that helps with any arrangements you need to make, let us know - the offer still stands for Jellybean, etc. - Brandon, thank you for being faithful to God and to your wife and family - we are glad you are part of this family and praying for you and Becky through all of this - Love y'all - Diane and family
You mean to tell me that I came all the way to the mall to hook up to the interent, to see new pictures of my niece, and you haven't put any on here! Now I shall comment you to death!
Post, post, post,
Picture, picture, picture
Post, post, post,
Picture, picture, picture
Post, post, post,
Picture, picture, picture
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